Why do I write these things?

There usually comes a point when you decide whether someone is worth it worth it

After the period of 'whirlwind' ends; whether it be 2 months or 2 years - it's the moment you decide whether someone is 'great' or 'good for now'

I dunno what I mean by this, but you know that corny line - "I remember our 'firsts' and I want to have many 'firsts' to remember with you" Mm, it's adorkable romantically (depending on who you are) - but it works for friends too. A lot of the time we play around with things for their novelty and what they bring to us (hello forgotten iPad LOL) - oh no with metaphors this is sounding like a paragraph on what it means to be human (sick); but we don't realise we do that with people to a less severe degree. 

I think I came about the feeling today when I asked #friend1 THE SAME QUESTION for the 5th time in one day. Immediately after asking I knew I had done something stupid and felt immediately insecure - I mean my mum does it all the time to me and it frustrates me/ (Ironically it could be proven that I have learnt the habit off her, anyways)... In this one gesture I was showing #friend1 that I was a bad listener, and well, generally just forgetful to the point of irritation. 

It was right at that moment when it clicked that if THIS person wasn't #friend1 in particular (belonging to a group of four, maybe five individuals I have ever encountered in my entire life who truly regard our connection as 'great') - they would possibly get angry, and view the event as a downfall on my behalf. 

But because #friend1 (you know who you are LOL why do i even bother with this hashkey business.. zz) probably got to the 'to be or not to be' turning point about four years ago (this point occurs when you run out of the cliched 'first experiences' with each other) and chose 'yes I'll stick around through your shit for real son,' she kinda made a commitment to laughing off my crap and dealing with it.

Deciding someone is 'great' is like this ridiculous commitment to cherishing the stupid 'firsts' and allowing them to excite you just as much as the big ones did. There is nothing left to learn about the person but you still want to know more. That is essentially what draws the line between who I'm comfortable around and who I'm not. 

I guess what got me wondering was this one thought that bothered me for a bit - What happens when you adore someone for the 'firsts' you have together, that are exciting and amazing, but you suddenly run out of 'firsts' and have no where to go?

I mean "First time we both coincidentally ate pasta for dinner" doesn't sound that appealing (LOL @ #friend1 - bet we'd celebrate that hahahahahahah - see that's what I mean)

Sidenote, I don't mean as friends we all constantly chuck 'ooh-lets-celebrate-this-first-we-just-had' parties all the time LOL but theres this happy acknowledgement about it. Even in the quiet. I guess the way I talk about it is really just symbolic of how well you know someone - even to the point of knowing them on the inside.

So yeah where is there to go?

Regression. That's where

IF, at this turning point, someone is choosing the 'good for now' option....

You will experience a new first - it's the "first-time-I-felt-too-uncomfortable-to-talk-to-you-first" (a.k.a idontknowwhattosaytoyoufirst)

And that's when you know.