this is more to let my thoughts out, i'm allowed to let my love out freely. but my sadness is a different thing. these might not be people from school
because i don't need that anymore. i realised i should just tell those people to their face :)
1. for some reason your name rings in my head everywhere. i know you're pretty insignificant in my life now, but i hate what you represent. i hate that feeling in my core that i get when i think about the reason i know you.
2. i know it'll never be the same anymore. there was a carefree period where everything was so easy and i wish it was still like that. but i guess this is what love is. i'm sorry it has to be that way, but it fucking makes me shiver how much you still care. how much you want to work at this.
3. i want you to be happy. i think there's a sadness in you that nobody sees. they don't see that you've got massive dreams too. some don't you are a charming, creative and compassionate person. you still have that potential, and i have no doubt you can do whatever you want. you should believe that. i sort of wish i loved you too.
4. there's so many things i'm leaving to tell you when we part ways. honestly i think you'll just laugh at me but i know you wont judge me. that's what amazing. you're so unbiased and so worldly and full of advice. you're just a force in this world that i will never understand. i think i've always been in love with that in a weird way.
5. thankyou, darling for putting up with me. you are a diamond; so hard to find. sometimes i get so caught up in my insecurities and my self that i forget to ask how you are. i'm so sorry. you are beautiful and talented and sometimes i forget that you need me to lift you up too.
6. you were so intellegent when we were younger. it hasn't been long since we became good friends again but it makes me so sad seeing you throw everything away like this. i know you can't control it, but try to. for your mum, for your friends. you could've done so much more in your life and i wish you could see that.
7. i wish we weren't so the same. i hate fighting with you. it's only because i can;t control it. we're both so stubborn and i know that your life is dedicated to me. i can't fucking shut my mouth though. you're so incredible and the only reason we survive. one day i hope you understand i really mean that. thankyou. thankyou.
8. i know i take my anger out on you, and its something that will follow me around for the rest of my life. it's haitual and as i'm doing it my chest stings. i wish you were easy to get along with, because i love you. so fucking much. and i'm scared that i'll only realise properly when you're gone.
9. i don't know why you annoy me so much. but i've cried because of you quite a few times. it's so weird and unexpected. i think we just clash.
10. YOU GUYS MAKE MY WORLD. literally. i'm scared of leaving now because i will never see the world the same. you've warped my view of how people should be. they should be extraordinary just like every one of you.
Sunday, 28 February 2010
Friday, 26 February 2010
questions cause i haven't blogged in a while :)
Can you answer all of these questions without saying "I don't know"?
idont know
Why aren't you dating the person you like?
i am, i think.
Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
yeah, i love someone
Who was the last person to Facebook message you?
iD u18's hahaha they're so annoying D:
What does it say?
COME BUY TICKETS BECAUSE WE'RE MONEYWHORES
What about text message?
yilangggg :)
What does it say?
got my phone back boys
What are your plans for the weekend?
YFC thing, channnny
Can you have more than one best friend?
yes
What are you thinking right now?
thinking of nothing, and the fact that i just had a convo that went like this -
- someone says:
*i wanted to ask you
- VARUA101 says:
*mhm?
- someone says:
*plz not to glare at me like that
*every time you see me
*because the only thing i can do
*is glare back
*and then i feel mean.
*:(
- VARUA101 says:
*hahah ok sorry
*i dont even realise im glaring sometimes >____>
- someone says:
*yeah well you MAJORLY glare at me
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
like an hour ago.
If you could change your eye color would you?
no.
Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?
no.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
no.
Who was the last male you talked to besides family?
ben
Why did you last really laugh?
with my sister, in melbourne
What were you doing at 10am this morning?
something at school, it's a bit of a blur
Do you remember your dreams?
no, it sucks bad.
Do you like hugs?
they're better than anything else intimate. hugs are like, yeeah
hugs.
Have you ever cried in front of a friend?
plenty of times.
Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
haha if someone paid me, :)
Is your birthday in less than 6 months?
naaaah
Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
boo.
then maybe hang up.
Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to be with?
yes. sorry.
The person you like finds someone new, what is your reaction?
i told you so.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
yes :)
When was the last time you were told you were cute?
ahahahah like, 5 hours ago
Would you be okay if you were sober for a month?
totes
Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single?
yes ;)
Are you good at maths?
barely.
This time last year, do you remember who you liked?
LMAO JUST LMAO HAHAHAHAHAH
naaaa that was fun.
no regrets.
idont know
Why aren't you dating the person you like?
i am, i think.
Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
yeah, i love someone
Who was the last person to Facebook message you?
iD u18's hahaha they're so annoying D:
What does it say?
COME BUY TICKETS BECAUSE WE'RE MONEYWHORES
What about text message?
yilangggg :)
What does it say?
got my phone back boys
What are your plans for the weekend?
YFC thing, channnny
Can you have more than one best friend?
yes
What are you thinking right now?
thinking of nothing, and the fact that i just had a convo that went like this -
- someone says:
*i wanted to ask you
- VARUA101 says:
*mhm?
- someone says:
*plz not to glare at me like that
*every time you see me
*because the only thing i can do
*is glare back
*and then i feel mean.
*:(
- VARUA101 says:
*hahah ok sorry
*i dont even realise im glaring sometimes >____>
- someone says:
*yeah well you MAJORLY glare at me
When was the last time you changed in front of someone?
like an hour ago.
If you could change your eye color would you?
no.
Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else?
no.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
no.
Who was the last male you talked to besides family?
ben
Why did you last really laugh?
with my sister, in melbourne
What were you doing at 10am this morning?
something at school, it's a bit of a blur
Do you remember your dreams?
no, it sucks bad.
Do you like hugs?
they're better than anything else intimate. hugs are like, yeeah
hugs.
Have you ever cried in front of a friend?
plenty of times.
Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
haha if someone paid me, :)
Is your birthday in less than 6 months?
naaaah
Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
boo.
then maybe hang up.
Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to be with?
yes. sorry.
The person you like finds someone new, what is your reaction?
i told you so.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
yes :)
When was the last time you were told you were cute?
ahahahah like, 5 hours ago
Would you be okay if you were sober for a month?
totes
Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single?
yes ;)
Are you good at maths?
barely.
This time last year, do you remember who you liked?
LMAO JUST LMAO HAHAHAHAHAH
naaaa that was fun.
no regrets.
that lasted all of 20 minutes.
ahahahahah i thought gj's were gloria jeannns
fuck that shit
its a roach or something or a hit or a lmao dunno search for peace :3
espesh. with little screw-up shits that think theyre they're all that, running around doing it! effffff offfffffffffffff!
lalalalala i'm piseed off at the world again
this happens way more frequently now than it really should.
PEOPLE GOTTA START UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER BEFORE I BLOW THIS PLACE UP.
there's no trust anymore
okay i have this theory, and call me high maintenance or overly high-hoped. but when you're with a guy. he's supposed to think you're a goddess. yeah so i'm not an alba or johanssen. i've got rolls and i cry alot. but i keep on thinking; waaay back inthe bottom of my head/heart/whatever that IF i'm supposed to be wasting my time right now with... who knows, shouldn't they think the world of me? because right now i feel like that person that DOES think the world of me is walking around (and staring at the ceiling like i often do) - somewhere on this fucking planet. one step at a time. just like i am, waiting.
fact # 70 - smurf penis. that is all.
fuck that shit
its a roach or something or a hit or a lmao dunno search for peace :3
espesh. with little screw-up shits that think theyre they're all that, running around doing it! effffff offfffffffffffff!
lalalalala i'm piseed off at the world again
this happens way more frequently now than it really should.
PEOPLE GOTTA START UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER BEFORE I BLOW THIS PLACE UP.
there's no trust anymore
okay i have this theory, and call me high maintenance or overly high-hoped. but when you're with a guy. he's supposed to think you're a goddess. yeah so i'm not an alba or johanssen. i've got rolls and i cry alot. but i keep on thinking; waaay back inthe bottom of my head/heart/whatever that IF i'm supposed to be wasting my time right now with... who knows, shouldn't they think the world of me? because right now i feel like that person that DOES think the world of me is walking around (and staring at the ceiling like i often do) - somewhere on this fucking planet. one step at a time. just like i am, waiting.
fact # 70 - smurf penis. that is all.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
the brain only fully develops at 22.
hahahahahahahhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahah
ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa :)
i'm the clone of my (bald?) father
fact # 70 - it sucks when you come out of the honeymoon. you don't know what direction to drive in////
i dream:
ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa :)
i'm the clone of my (bald?) father
fact # 70 - it sucks when you come out of the honeymoon. you don't know what direction to drive in////
i dream:
Sunday, 21 February 2010
fear of dying alone.
hahaha, i can't wait to be where you are now babe.
it's a great. damn. deal.
mannnnn, i feel so grown up these days
it's a great. damn. deal.
mannnnn, i feel so grown up these days
Gloria Patri, et Filio,
et Spiritui Sancto
et Spiritui Sancto
fact #70 - st Jude is the saint for hopeless cases. when you see dozens of tiny dedications scattered underneath his shrine, you wonder if he answered their prayers. and then you just cry.
Friday, 19 February 2010
do i wish i was yours to look after?
I let you take the one fucking girl I’ve ever loved man.
Freddie, is there anyone else I care about that you wanna slip one to?
-------------
They do say, perfect kisses lead to one night stands.
leaving early tomorrrow
fact #69 - i'm loosing it a little.
stuck in a hole
im so scared.
you know who's hot ? ryan sheckler's hot. yeah. he's always been hot
even when he was like, 10. hahahahaha
dayuuuuuum daaaayuuuum.
hehe and he's so grown up now.
hahaha. mannnnn, for the few people who wanted to know what kind of white guy i find hot. there it is in absolute.
BUT I LOVE BEN
that is all.
fact #68 - i want miu miu.
yaaaay 100th post!
you know who's hot ? ryan sheckler's hot. yeah. he's always been hot
even when he was like, 10. hahahahaha
dayuuuuuum daaaayuuuum.
hehe and he's so grown up now.
hahaha. mannnnn, for the few people who wanted to know what kind of white guy i find hot. there it is in absolute.
BUT I LOVE BEN
that is all.
fact #68 - i want miu miu.
yaaaay 100th post!
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
replay replay replay
I need people in the dark, i need someone to hold my hand. I need whispers and secrets and i don't need jealousy. I need 'vibes', i need great nights. I crave sleep. i crave your words. I like loud things. I like soft skin. I can count six weeks. I can't see eight months right now. i'm scared and you're not. People are leaving and i don't have a clue if i want them back or not.
Fact # 67 - for those that are close enough to me to touch. When i start to say something and take it back, it's because i'm either fucking forgetful or I don't want you to see me cry.
fuck i love the philippines. fuck. dancing inmates. in jail seriously.
Fact # 67 - for those that are close enough to me to touch. When i start to say something and take it back, it's because i'm either fucking forgetful or I don't want you to see me cry.
fuck i love the philippines. fuck. dancing inmates. in jail seriously.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
lookywooky
i haven't posted this month except for today.
i'm having ocd about properly starting again because (like usual) i missed writing about epic stuff.
sigh well, you missed my recap of crystals party AND what i'd like to call my birthday week (obviously the best week of the year)
but i wont write about them, ill just start from tomorrow as usual.
see you then -
fact#66 - melbourne is actually totes cool (H)
i'm having ocd about properly starting again because (like usual) i missed writing about epic stuff.
sigh well, you missed my recap of crystals party AND what i'd like to call my birthday week (obviously the best week of the year)
but i wont write about them, ill just start from tomorrow as usual.
see you then -
fact#66 - melbourne is actually totes cool (H)
thingo
bold if yes
You steal things out of your siblings room
You always have trouble falling asleep.
You would say no if the last person you kissed proposed to you.
You have fallen down stairs at school.
You have lead someone on just for the fun of it.
You have a daily going-to-bed routine you can`t go to sleep without doing.
You think the ripped-jeans trend is kind of stupid.
You have had a boyfriend or girlfriend stolen from you.
You have had a horrible `meeting the parents`experience.
You know someone who could not go two minutes without swearing.
You plan to move out of your town as soon as possible.
You have been friends with someone who you never thought you would.
You have been drunk with the last person you kissed.
You have been called a fuck up before
If given the chance, you would kiss the last person you texted.
You have had to ask permission to do something from a bf or gf.
You`re in a million different groups on facebook.
You`re tagged in over three hundred pictures on facebook.
You always have to brush your hair before going to sleep.
You have eaten meat in the past six hours.
You know someone who would NEVER leave the house without makeup on.
You met the last person you called at school.
There were other people there during your last kiss.
You have failed the drivers test.
You have gotten a blister from burning your hand on a straightner or curler.
You went trick-or-treating last Halloween
You would be jealous if your bf or gf`s best friend was the opposite sex.
You have very exciting plans during the next few days.
You have felt like crying in the past week.
You HAVE cried in the past week.
Your best friend has the same color eyes as you.
Your best friend is more outgoing then you.
Your e-mail password has to do with your family.
You have cried on a crush`s shoulder before.
You have kissed someone who had just smoked weed.
You have not gotten along well at all with a bf of gf`s friends.
A bf or gf has not gotten along with your friends at all.
You are home alone right now.
You don`t own a cellphone.
You`re waiting for a call right now.
You`ve waited for hours for someone to call, but they didn`t.
You`ve lost a friend over a member of the opposite sex.
You`re have not had your first kiss.
You`re embarassed to be seen in public with your parents.
You find smoking EXTREMELY unattractive.
You find drinking EXTREMELY unattractive.
You have been given a hickey before.
You have felt like punching someone today.
You have accidently been way too over dressed on a date before.
At least one of your friend`s is sick right now.
You own at least one pair of heels.
You`d break your neck if you wore heels outside.
You should probably be getting ready right now.
You have gotten drunk with the last person who called you.
You have had a very unusual pet before.
You`re excited for Christmas already.
You have an account on quizilla.
You`re embarassed to wear sweatpants in public.
You have your current crush on MSN.
Nothing ever happened with the last person you had a crush on.
You have had a bf or gf forget your birthday.
You celebrated the one-month in your last relationship.
You have been hungover at school or work before.
You wish this survey was over already.
You plan on dressing up this year for Halloween.
You have dressed up as `sexy`police officer, nurse, cat etc. for Halloween.
You delete your internet history.
You have lied to someone before just because you were bored.
You have called the cops on your neighboors for being so loud.
There are at least a couple words you can NEVER spell.
I always spelldefinately definitely wrong
You`re not related to the last person you were in a car with.
Your hair? straight, slightly poofy in a ponytail
Your mother? is suss
Your father? is very suss
Your favorite thing? a smile.
Your dream last night? eating food.
Your dream/goal? to be successful.
Your favorite drink? ice tea
The room you’re in? study
Your ex? is amazing.
Your hobby? dance
Your fear? falling, spiders
Where do you want to be in 6 years? university, studying. partying.
Where were you last night? melbourne.
What you’re not? what everyone thinks i am? who am i?
Muffins? buffet breakfast
One of your wish list items? over-the-knee boots.
Time? 8.51
Where you grew up? penrith
The last thing you did? yawn
Favorite weather? anything goes.
What are you wearing? big lonsdale top.
Your favorite book? anything good
Your TV? rumpus.
Your pet? angel & chief
Your computer? schoolwork
Your mood? drowsy
Missing someone? yes
Your car? leather
Something you’re not wearing? socks
Favorite store? myer
Love someone? yes
Your favorite color/shade? purple
Last thing you ate? sunflower cracker
Your life? great.
Your friends? :)
What are you thinking about right now? sleep
What are you doing at this moment? thinking of work
Your summer: hectic
Your relationship status: in love.
What do you do when you can’t sleep? play on my phone.
When is the last time you laughed? at a youtube vid.
Last time you cried? on the plane home.
fact #66 - my boyfriend makes my world go round.
You steal things out of your siblings room
You always have trouble falling asleep.
You would say no if the last person you kissed proposed to you.
You have fallen down stairs at school.
You have lead someone on just for the fun of it.
You have a daily going-to-bed routine you can`t go to sleep without doing.
You think the ripped-jeans trend is kind of stupid.
You have had a boyfriend or girlfriend stolen from you.
You have had a horrible `meeting the parents`experience.
You know someone who could not go two minutes without swearing.
You plan to move out of your town as soon as possible.
You have been friends with someone who you never thought you would.
You have been drunk with the last person you kissed.
You have been called a fuck up before
If given the chance, you would kiss the last person you texted.
You have had to ask permission to do something from a bf or gf.
You`re in a million different groups on facebook.
You`re tagged in over three hundred pictures on facebook.
You always have to brush your hair before going to sleep.
You have eaten meat in the past six hours.
You know someone who would NEVER leave the house without makeup on.
You met the last person you called at school.
There were other people there during your last kiss.
You have failed the drivers test.
You have gotten a blister from burning your hand on a straightner or curler.
You went trick-or-treating last Halloween
You would be jealous if your bf or gf`s best friend was the opposite sex.
You have very exciting plans during the next few days.
You have felt like crying in the past week.
You HAVE cried in the past week.
Your best friend has the same color eyes as you.
Your best friend is more outgoing then you.
Your e-mail password has to do with your family.
You have cried on a crush`s shoulder before.
You have kissed someone who had just smoked weed.
You have not gotten along well at all with a bf of gf`s friends.
A bf or gf has not gotten along with your friends at all.
You are home alone right now.
You don`t own a cellphone.
You`re waiting for a call right now.
You`ve waited for hours for someone to call, but they didn`t.
You`ve lost a friend over a member of the opposite sex.
You`re have not had your first kiss.
You`re embarassed to be seen in public with your parents.
You find smoking EXTREMELY unattractive.
You find drinking EXTREMELY unattractive.
You have been given a hickey before.
You have felt like punching someone today.
You have accidently been way too over dressed on a date before.
At least one of your friend`s is sick right now.
You own at least one pair of heels.
You`d break your neck if you wore heels outside.
You should probably be getting ready right now.
You have gotten drunk with the last person who called you.
You have had a very unusual pet before.
You`re excited for Christmas already.
You have an account on quizilla.
You`re embarassed to wear sweatpants in public.
You have your current crush on MSN.
Nothing ever happened with the last person you had a crush on.
You have had a bf or gf forget your birthday.
You celebrated the one-month in your last relationship.
You have been hungover at school or work before.
You wish this survey was over already.
You plan on dressing up this year for Halloween.
You have dressed up as `sexy`police officer, nurse, cat etc. for Halloween.
You delete your internet history.
You have lied to someone before just because you were bored.
You have called the cops on your neighboors for being so loud.
There are at least a couple words you can NEVER spell.
I always spell
You`re not related to the last person you were in a car with.
Your hair? straight, slightly poofy in a ponytail
Your mother? is suss
Your father? is very suss
Your favorite thing? a smile.
Your dream last night? eating food.
Your dream/goal? to be successful.
Your favorite drink? ice tea
The room you’re in? study
Your ex? is amazing.
Your hobby? dance
Your fear? falling, spiders
Where do you want to be in 6 years? university, studying. partying.
Where were you last night? melbourne.
What you’re not? what everyone thinks i am? who am i?
Muffins? buffet breakfast
One of your wish list items? over-the-knee boots.
Time? 8.51
Where you grew up? penrith
The last thing you did? yawn
Favorite weather? anything goes.
What are you wearing? big lonsdale top.
Your favorite book? anything good
Your TV? rumpus.
Your pet? angel & chief
Your computer? schoolwork
Your mood? drowsy
Missing someone? yes
Your car? leather
Something you’re not wearing? socks
Favorite store? myer
Love someone? yes
Your favorite color/shade? purple
Last thing you ate? sunflower cracker
Your life? great.
Your friends? :)
What are you thinking about right now? sleep
What are you doing at this moment? thinking of work
Your summer: hectic
Your relationship status: in love.
What do you do when you can’t sleep? play on my phone.
When is the last time you laughed? at a youtube vid.
Last time you cried? on the plane home.
fact #66 - my boyfriend makes my world go round.
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