Holy Wow.

2013: The year of blogging

I will blog a lot this year. I think - kinda like a Carrie diaries kinda thing maybe. You know, I'm moving out to the city after Europe and starting university. I think it's the perfect time to write a log-book of my life. Hmmm. And I promised myself after Luke got me a travel diary for Christmas that I'd start keeping a journal again - and despite having such a pretty book to write in, I think I'm going to do it here instead. I'm shit at writing journals/recounts, but I love writing lists. So the present will be my list book because I want to associate it with something I love (and not something I'll get angry at and want to throw away) :) 

Hermit life continued today (day 1928982371Ican'tremember). It was cool though. Ma and Pa told me how much their life will change once I left for school. I hadn't really realised until today that they'd be living alone for the first time since gave birth to my sister. They took me around doing really mundane things because they said they would miss it - sob - seriously I never knew how sentimental they could get. They took me grocery shopping 'cause they said they'd miss the way I'd just chuck in all the food i wanted into the trolley without asking if it was okay. They took me to a food court, and laughed at how they KNEW I'd buy my food and still take a billion bites out of whatever they chose. I thank God everyday for the family that I have. There's so much love here I feel like it's almost a waste to move out. (almost, lol.) I'm fucking keen.

Ah, not going to stuff you all with too large of a wall of text tonight. Besides, my weeds has downloaded. Just watched The Men Who Stare at Goats and it was fucking hilarious. Definitely on the good list. 

Gooodnight x 

If you get lost you can't always be found

Ughhhhh. I hate my brain. Seriously, besides its inability to work hard enough for me to reach my goals (loljk please read that lightly, I'm not actually gonna rant about that again - not this time), it's also this stupid hypocritical mess that is never satisfied. Okay lemme turn up my Phillip Phillips mainstream beautifulness and get ready for a long trip into the depths of my whiny-ass brain.

So, I guess I haven't been up to much lately (well it appears that I haven't been up to much lately) lol. I mean on social media/facebook whatnot you could pretty much conclude I've been at home everyday if you tried sussing it out. Or maybe I think it would be blatantly obvious simply because it's the truth.

So why am I doing this whole hermit thing if it annoys me? Quite frankly, there are some mornings when I'm lying in front of my daily Ellen Degeneres viewage and I ask myself the same thing. I suppose it's because I wanted to do it - surprisingly. Whaaat? Yeah, that's right lol. I wanted to be bored apparently... 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stupid dumb-bitch past Amelia (lol valid in so many ways) 

No. I remember sometime about a month ago, I was on a sticky/hot/humid train full of identified smells  travelling home at 1am after a dinner/party/whatever and I was like - well, fuck this. I remember this sweet policeman striking up a conversation with me and asking me what I was doing on that train so late. I could imagine a version of myself being like "PARTYING BRUH" but at that moment, I was intoxicated enough to tell the truth - "I really don't know sir, I was bored I guess" 

It just sounded so lame and stupid. Like I seriously wanted to snap back at myself - "if you're so bored why don't you go do something productive? Not just go around wasting your rentals money like you always do." 

And that inner-snap to myself took me out for a second. I realised I was well, kinda right. It annoyed me like hell... yet I kinda promised myself at that point of clarity that I would try to stop wasting away. I don't know if that's the right way to put it - but I sure felt like something was wasting. Same shit; different day kinda thing - you know?

Like if my usual response to sad/horrible situations is "let's fuck shit up and go party baby", I shouldn't be doing that now, right? Not now, at this time when I finally feel like everything is in place and I'm ready to do all those things that I've been putting off because it's "not the right time" and 'cause I "can just do it later". 

So I decided that it was time to read books; to learn to cook; to watch the movies on my must-watch list; to exercise; to spend time with family; to be bored; to be bored; to be bored. LOL well that turned out a lot less inspirational than I intended. It seems that my mission to save money and stop being a brat has worked, but in reality has in been at the expense of my life? 

Thankfully, I guess I'm not sacrificing life - not completely, but only due to this one dude who can remind me - just by being around - that I'm not wasting away anymore (at least not wasting away alone). It's kinda like I have this awesome friend who finally talks to me about more than the scandals/gossip of my life and about interesting things and unrelated shit instead; someone who I feel the need to impress with other aspects of myself other than the superficial things. Someone who, mind the cliche, makes me sorta wanna be a better person. And he's more than my friend too, cause fuck that, he's too cute for just that. I kinda want to stop here because I don't want to morph the nature of this genuine, simple description contentment I get being around him into one that seems fake/overdone (blew that already loool). So yeah, I'll stop. 

But I think maybe the stereotype of your friend getting into a relationship and becoming "boring" or "insular" isn't all too stereotypical at all. Maybe it's just natural. You know - you party occasionally as a celebration, yet (excuse me if I'm wrong) you generally only wanna continuously get mortally fucked if you're in an unhappy place, or you're lonely. Let's be honest, going all out and glamming up makes being single waaay more fun. 

So I guess what I'm saying with this long stupid post is that I understand it now. Maybe I've never felt it - or just haven't felt it in a really long time - but I see why a lot of people kinda appear boring when they're in a happy relo. Like me, I'm fucking boring atm. It's because I don't need to slap on a pair of heels for once to feel good about myself or satisfied. I just need to watch him eat 5 of my homemade kebabs to do that at the moment, and as lame as that sounds it's kinda cool

Hey, I'm not retiring from being fun or anything, I'm just reminding myself (and anyone else that's survived through this post of... wow-she's-self-concerned-bullshit) that you don't need to be SEEN (by the public eye) to EXPERIENCE life. I can do that all on my own as I have for the last few weeks. Actually, some experiences I've had lately are more intense than anything I've ever done in public...

'nomsayin.

LOL.

OKAY;

gonna stop now before I post waaaaay tmi.

Love you all, 

mielzbaby

Planning Paris

Yeah, that's what I've been doing on this sticky heat-wave stricken day. Just casually planning every day I'm spending in Paris. HAHA. Well... I guess that's productive? 

But, before I got out the Lonely Planets and this unnecessarily huge accounting calculator out of my dad's office to calculate the expenses, I spent a total of 12 hours in bed. LOL. I'm addicted to staying in bed - just reading, watching movies (I watched battle royale this morning), playing on my phone, eating breakfast, painting my nails.... 

Pretty much, I've taken hermitting to a level of extremity zz 

Seriously. I don't know if this can be considered a problem or not. 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ANYMORE. 

I'll come back soon... when I have a purpose. 

Man I'm boring, haha :( 

I wrote because someone on fs wanted me to write, and then I realised - I have nothing to say. 

So whoops, slightly stupid post! 

BUT IF YOU'VE BEEN TO ROME/LONDON/PARIS 

HELP ME PLAN! I'm so frazzled/confused! So many options! WHERE TO GOOOOOO!??