Oh, adol essence.

So, where have I been? 

Doing my HSC of course. What else is there to do really? I dunno. I'm finishing school forever in like 3 weeks and I have no idea how I feel right now. I'm having all these ridiculous thoughts that I can't control, accompanied by this overwhelming laziness that I haven't been able to take control of since trials. What is this - some sort of rutt? Some sort of post-relief purgatory? If it is I hope I'm not in it for too long. It's horrible and full of nostalgia and longing. And I don't need that.

It's weird, you know. You look back on school and it's this big whirlwind of nothing. Of spending everyday striving for the same things and having the rewards or consequences only last for temporary little portions of time. You want this mark. You get it. Relief. Maybe a week, or two. You want a boy. You get it. Bliss. Maybe a month, or two. I don't know why I am so pessimistic sometimes, but maybe the reason I am is because of the BIG ONE. The big scenario that has cut me up and opened me up so many times in my past that now I'm just used to it. 

So, you want this friend. You spend everyday trying to get to know them. You finally do - you connect. It's amazing. Maybe a year, or two. 50/50 chance it will fizzle out and they won't even remember your name in 5 years. 

Isn't that sad? Does that make you think of anyone? Does that make you want to run up to someone, tap them on the shoulder & just hug them? Hold onto them and tell them they were special to you; that they're not going to go down in your memory like the "nothing" that they feel they are?

See, that's my problem. I'm over-dramatic. I've grown up around people who run out of the house when they're angry, who don't come home when they can't face the truth, who fill the house with flowers to say sorry, who go out for fancy dinners for the most minor celebrations. I've learnt to look up to people who lock themselves away when they have nothing to say, who will drop everything and everyone for something they love deeply. 

I mean, my parents got shotgun married in a courtroom with a paid witness so my dad could come to Australia to get surgery. Drama is in my blood. This belief that passion overrides everything is in my very being.

I'm not going to apologise for that. 

If you come into my life genuinely, I will hold your hand when you need it.

Most importantly, I'm so very thankful to those individuals over the past 6 years that have held mine.

Even though I know a few of you in particular have forgotten. 

I won't ever forget. 

I owe you.

Thankyou, and I'm sorry I can be so overwhelming.

It's taken a lot to get me here, and I am. 

And I couldn't be more happy.

Stolen off J.K

(Jayne!)

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
I love you isn't a phrase I'm accustomed to anymore. I haven't heard it in a romantic way for about a year now.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
I think that would be appropriate

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
Friday!

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

You're never fully dressed without a smile :)

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
Not really talking to anyone in particular atm, so - unlikely.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Naw yeah!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Peter Alexander boxers, doctors without borders tee & oxford university jumper

8. How often do you listen to music?

Daily

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Sweats, 'cause they're a staple at home!

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
During 2013, probably!

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
Mostly social :)

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
Yes

14. Can you drive a stick shift?
I will learn one day!

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
Too much

16. Are you going out of town soon?
In just over 2 months :)

17. When was the last time you cried?
The week trials ended.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
Yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Yep!

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
No

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
Procrastination

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Only the best!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Haha, no.

24. What are you sitting on right now?
A double bed :)

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
Wow, lol survey are you trying to remind me?

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Alwayz

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Ana!

28. Do you get a lot of colds?
Waaaay too many :(

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
Haha, stolen from my sisters' friend who works for MSF & London

30. Does anyone hate you?
Probably

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Why would you keep the empty ones? I have full ones, not hidden. Part of my french decor rofl.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?
Yes!

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
Nah

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Hmmph, I don't think erasing the past is something I'd want to do. But I guess it would be 2008 - only because nothing of much significance comes to mind.

35. Did you have a dream last night?
Not that I can remember

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I wish I didn't, sigh.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
No way!

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
No

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
No

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
It was pretty good :)

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Yes. In the essence of the word I was.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Yessums!

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
LOL it was a lie, but yeah.

44. What’s the best part about school?

Two girls whom I love to death - Boner & Anus. Heheheheheh.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
Almost 2000... D:

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
Yeah

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
All the frieking time!

48. Were you single over the last summer?
Nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Haha, kind of. Actually - I reckon it's pretty the same.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Watching suits, but I felt like a good old blog sesh.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Yeah, Ashley's a cunt. Lol jokes, he's been a Godsend for me this year :')

52. Are you nice to everyone?
To the best of my ability

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Everyone I've fallen for I didn't expect to! I've never ever dated my "type" if you know what I mean haha.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yep :)

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Horribad.

56. Do you think you like someone?
Nah.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
Yep

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Both just as equally, you gotta have a good mix of both!

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Most of them I would think.

60. Do you hate anyone?
Nope

61. How’s your heart?

Big, open and ready for anything :)

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Not particularly.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Yeah haha

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Haha, gosh knows. I'd think no one & then suddenly I meet strangers who apparently know my life story...

65. Are your toenails painted pink?
Nah

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Let's hope it isn't!

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
No?

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
Possibly LOL

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
Ashdagay :)

70. How do you look right now?
Like a weirdo

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Many people!

72. Can you commit to one person?
Yeah :)

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Ahuh!

74. Have you ever felt replaced?
Fo sho, it's the worst feeling.

75. Did you wake up cranky?
Haha nah. Rather chipper today!

76. Are you a jealous person?
I hate it, but I totally am :S

77. Are relationships ever worth it?
Haha. YES ofcourse!

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Ahuh. :(

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
YES! I MISS YOU!

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Shower :D

81. Last person you cried in front of?
Family.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?
Yes

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
Usually they are. But at this current moment this refers to no one I guess...

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
Snuggles & movies and such :) Maybe go for a joyride to a latenight dessert place.

85. Are you over your past?

When am I ever?

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
HAHAH. This is a good question, you see.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Yes. four & counting!

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
No. Memories and people are there in your past for a reason!

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
Yeah? I suppose so.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
Yep..

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Doubt it.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
Yes.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
Possibly. Jokes, no.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
Maybe. LOL no comment :))

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
HEY I DIDN'T LIKE ANYONE IN MARCH!

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Ehh... yeah. (:

97. Who do you have texts from?
A whole bunch of people!

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

How long have you liked them for?

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
Juuust me.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
Nope.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

The best ones always do 

xx

Good evening

I really in fact have nothing to blog about.

Besides the fact that I miss you all already, and I get really freaked out that none of you will miss me back.

Erhh. Goodnight.

Listen to the video, it's cool.

Sorry guys I gave you a whole bunch of cray

But I'm back :) 

I know I have two exams left, but they're my two favourite subjects, so I guess I'm trying to let myself relax and go with the flow for a bit just this time. I want to see how it works out - you know - not absolutely killing myself with stress before an exam. It seems like a nice change of pace. 

I know I've come on here and exclaimed my love for certain individuals numerous times, and I apologise if that makes me look flimsy or annoying or attention seeking. But I can't really help it - you know? The world is sitting here letting me explore it... and right now I am because I can. And I'm letting myself love and care and get absolutely stupidly (and undoubtedly naively) swept up in everything because this is the prime of my life when it feels the best, so... why not?

No time to be sour and untrusting now (hmm is untrusting a word?). No time to hold back and play games. My theory is this: if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone (ie love) or people (ie bffls forreals), games won't be necessary. My dad and sister think I'll end up with someone ridiculously out-of-tune with this world like JD from scrubs - who can put up with my neverending chatter and will find novelty in every random stupid thing I do. I asked them why and they tell me that apparently I'm absolutely ridiculous, just like him once I get comfortable around people. I never thought so - and then I realised it was true mid-daydream of the busdriver singing me a Beatles song this morning. If you've never seen me be a complete idiot then I'm obviously not comfortable around you. That's like 99.9% of the world so I wouldn't care too much. Why would you even care at all I dunno. Why am I writing this (maybe because I had this awesome dream where I was on a beach having my honeymoon with Zach Braff.....)

ANYWAY LOL I should get back to the rape of Nan King.

That fucking post was entirely pointless, I'm sorry. 

To infinity and beyond. 

xx

P.S Who's coming to get their first tattoo with me in Feb next year?! I'm getting 2!!

If you know me well

you'll know I'll want a hug the next time you see me so bad. I haven't needed one this bad in a while. kinda wondering why I'm being so honest, but loving the reality of living in this real world of truth, even with everything else that comes with it. x

I'm never going to give up.

LOLLING FOR HOURS.

Are You A Racist? Take Our 10 Step Test

1. TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER
A) “The sky is blue.” Not racist
B) “The sky is lovely and blue.” Borderline racist
C) “The sky is lovely and blue like the eyes of my Aryan brothers.” Racist

2. TALKING ABOUT THE ECONOMY
A) “I hope the budget gets in the black.” Not racist
B) “I hope the budget doesn’t get in the black.” Borderline racist
C) “I hope the budget gets in the black neighbourhoods and fixes their anti-social behaviour.” Racist

3. TALKING ABOUT POLITICS
A) “Boy, that Tony Abbott makes me see red.” Not racist
B) “Boy, that Tony Abbott makes me see reds under the bed.” Borderline racist
C) “Boy, that Tony Abbott makes me see red, which reminds me that I hate Native Americans.” Racist

4. TALKING ABOUT RELIGION
A) “God is light.” Not racist
B) “God is right.” Borderline racist
C) “God is white.” Racist

5. TALKING ABOUT THE MOVIES
A) “Who wants to watch Schindler’s List? I admire the Jewish people’s courage and spirit.” Not racist
B) “Who wants to watch Schindler’s List? I admire Oskar Schindler’s strong work ethic.” Borderline racist
C) “Who wants to watch Schindler’s list? I admire Adolf Hitler’s strong work ethic.” Racist

6. TALKING ABOUT MUSIC
A) “God I love The Voice. My favourite judge is Seal.” Not racist
B) “God I love The Voice. My favourite judge is Keith.” Borderline racist
C) “God I love The Voice. My favourite judges are Keith, Joel and Delta.” Racist

7. TALKING ABOUT FASHION
A) “Do you have anything in beige?” Not racist
B) “Do you have anything in black?” Borderline racist
C) “Do you have anything in white bedsheets?” Racist

8. TALKING ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS
A) “I think it’s terrible what’s happening in Burma.” Not racist
B) “I think it’s terrible what’s happening in Libya.” Borderline racist
C) “I think it’s terrible what’s happening in South Africa.” Racist

9. TALKING ABOUT FOOD
A) “I like black pudding.” Not racist
B) “I like black pudding in moderation.” Borderline racist
C) “I like black pudding to know its place.” Racist

10. TALKING ABOUT SPORT
A) “What a wonderful display of sportsmanship the second State of Origin was.” Not racist
B) “I can’t help but feel some friendly rivalry with our Queensland cousins.” Borderline racist
C) “Queenslanders are a bunch of diseased inbreds who should go back to where they came from.” Still only borderline racist
— Joe Hildebrand

I'm sick right now

in so many more ways than one it's actually gotten to a point of hilarity.

10 people.

1) I love you

2) I hate you

3) I love you more than the first one

4) I love you for being there

5) You make me so fucking insecure I can't wait to be rid of you from my daily life

6) KISS ME NOW ALREADY PLEASE. LOL I DREAM OF IT.

7) I strongly dislike you, but you can be lovely sometimes. 

9) I love you longtime, you know what would be fun? A holiday. Let's go on a holiday and run around in each others' clothes and play in waterfalls and ride elephants.

10) SO LIKE WHEN WILL WE GET MARRIED? LOL JKS. But you are glowing and inspiring and seriously. YOUR EXISTENCE gives me hope. I'm not a lesbian but you're so amazing.

That's all. 

HONG KONG IN SUMMER YAY!

Everywhere I look, I'm surrounded by beautiful people. 

Got my 18th booked and ready, get pumped for something next year babies.

xxxxxxxxx

xxx

One of the problems of having parents who are madly in love is they fight just as passionately and as frequently as stupid lovestruck teenagers.

I'm sick of yelling, furrrrk.