This long weekend

I'd really like a family trip.

... but that would require you to come home.

It's quiet around here.

Being

Lost.

Wishing I was literally lost in the woods.

Hey

forgive me?

That feeling of rocks in your stomach when you feel like you're losing absolutely everyone...

Soz just taking a while to get over the novelty of having dyed hair.

 

summmmaaaaaaah baybeeeeee.

HAIR. TADAAAAA

 to... 

Proof that TV is detrimental to a person's grip on reality.

unrealistic situations make for the best dreams lol. So one of my girlies wanna pick us up a pair of brothers that are as sweet as those two? gaaah I want to marry Seth Cohen.

I love it still

But fuck, I hate you.

:'|

Dedication song

...and boredom, tbh. But hey - to all the forgotten moments, and especially the tears I know many of our grade shed today.

We made it guys, one year left. 

Specifically BAM members Anu & Bon in particular with this video (only two people I know that put up with my singing voice and don't insult it LOL :P) - I love you. Remember when you told me to do this? Never got around to doing it until now. Might do Heaven on the Horizon one day too! As Bons so eloquently put it, today we all got hit by a bullet train of nostalgia. Just for fun - I know I'm kinda shat dw.

Bad Quality memories

Idno why I even bothered but just one for the bros quickly off iphone quality pics, I'll do a proper one of everyone eventually one day for y12 grad :D

fuark missing shit.

I can't anymore

Sigh.

I can't be your bitch.

I can't be myself.

I can't get over being lonely in my mind.

xx

haha cute. my kindergarten bestfriend/boyfriend thing got school captain at his school.

if only things were as simple as lying down at naptime giggling at each other and telling secrets.

I wanted to say sorry when I got home.

You're the chill I feel when I can't look at myself straight in the mirror.

You're the sigh I utter when there's no one saying good morning on my phone.

You're everything I'm trying to avoid.

And you've always got a way of making things worse.

But my ex boyfriend told me all these people I know think I look like a rat.  I have too much fun fucking with you, so he says.

I was going to write about being unattatched.

But some people make that impossible

I ruv familly :)

Some of you know this subject has been a little bleuugh with me lately, but right now I'm sitting on some really good moments with the Varua bunch. As we speak I am on an overpowering buzz off a little too much rose & wine at dinner. I devoured pork crackling like a big whale infront of everyone while Dad & my sister's boyfee Tamar watched rugby instead of conversing with us. Dad got into telling embarrassing stories about when we were babies and I was dying of cheesiness after watching Tamar leave the table for 'an emergency' only to return with the cutest stuffed animal for my sister because she was sad. 

OMGASH EVERYONE'S JUST SO CUTE. Even my parents had a little bit of liquor and got all nostalgic about watching each other play volleyball in university.

And everyone at the dinner table had a big laugh about me being forever alone. Funny guys. Now even my own family teases me. sigh sigh sigh.

So today:

Yes, I bludged. Well I woke up and had an allergic fit consisting of 12 sneezes. So I slept in till 1pm :) 

Then my sister and I decided we wanted to go out for lunch! (: 

Fuark the weather was boiling today! It was so guut. It made me have this natural buzzz all day and I pretty much acted like a loser. But it was fun. And it made me so happy haha. (yes I know I look like a tool in the photo below!)

 

 So happy also because I bought this amazingggggg tigerlily bikini!

 mmm and snaps of dinner :) !

hehe looking forward to (singular) snuggles (with my blankie and toys LOL), marathon O.C watching and phonecalls with my favs tonight !

Funzies and babes.

Haha

I joke about being alone but I actually have an acute fear of that happening.

It's so possible now that I think about it.

It's so scary :/

No make-up Sundays

I LIKE MAKING IMPORTANT PEOPLE FEEL SPECIAL ON THEIR BIRTHDAY.

Even when I was having a rather sad day today.

But guess what, It was definitely all worth it for you.

(to you) [Thanks for sticking with such a weirdo for so long. I'll miss ya one day. LOLJKS neverrrrrrr. It's cute how we were discussing your eligibility as my bridesmaid today (although, what a joke, me? a wedding? please - as if anyone is dumb enough to ask.)  I'm excited to go to yours though ;) Maybe one of his hot army friends will take interest in your bridesmaid.... I JOK. I know you're not even close to considering marriage, but a girl can always dream....]

Anyway, guys (readers), when you meet someone who hates the people you hate without any explanation (i.e. you my beautiful loser friend), that is someone you wanna hold onto. Not because they're good for you, no no no, they're bad for you (yes, you're such a bad influence on me :P). Just because someone who's there for you to that extent is someone you need to acknowledge. To be there for too.

[I hope it was a great day for you bub, regardless of the shit that happens. Because hey, shit happens. But good happens too. How the fuck do you keep that smile on your face woman? I envy you. I love you. Who knew we'd be so different 8 years in the future?

Looking forward to another 8 years. and another. and another. And... bitch get your P's already so we can drive places and be free ;) 

Love, from the burnt-coloured fat-kid in the playground reading books. Thank-you, you beautiful short blonde little cute thing. Thank you for saving me back then. For sitting with me and reading books. And reversing everything that gave me so much doubt in myself. From what I've heard from the people who help me, if it weren't for you my heart would not be half as strong as it is today. And for that I will always be grateful.]

xxxx

Sigh

Some things in this world I will never understand....

Lazy Saturday

My Jessica's so beautiful right?

 

 
 

 

 

So what did I do today? I slept in, ate lots of scones and tea, met some of my homies, made the boyz some sandwiches, watched some youtube, giggled a lot, made some videos, did some talking, did some walking, made someone laugh, got surprised, ate more than I should have, stole linfords hat, chilled in the sunshine.....

On this day...

Last year:

I like to think I feel the same. 

Anyway. Midway through my recent thought of ... ughhh I seriously don't understand what she offers anyone ._., I thought I might as well blog about my day/ Friday night. Which was pretty much a huge camwhore chillsesh. WE DID PLAY SCRABBLE THOUGH - give us that at least. And Jess lost. But she's so cute 'cause she started the game with the word 'DIVA' (: 

Anyway yeah. pree much we had the usual hanging out session :) Oh I was going to go into more detail but got horribly distracted by this FUCKING AWESOME BIRTHDAY CAKE on facebook, my ballet teachers bday cake!:

Anyways I am just warm and happy, waiting for dinner out with my parents. I'll post the description of today with photos up when I get home (dad just called, he's like "SURPRISE! dinner out in 10 mins, be ready) hehe

Saturday post soon - 

xx

Had to

So I make the weight post below, even preach to my dad about health and here's what he brings home this evening to my study table:

And goes, "oh too bad you can't eat it..."

Strike day :)

SO, my sister's practically run away, and my rents work all the time so I'm practically an only child - home alone a lot these days. It's oddly nice to wake up in the quiet. Makes me feel motivated. Hmm. Anyway, today was lovely :) I got to catch up with Miss Xtal & Moon as well as chill with my buddy Alain & DINNER WITH MY BEST FRIEND CHANNY! (who is dating a hot 21 year old army boy who is so gallant and white-knight like i think I'm going to die of jealousy)

 So we went to Bondi Junction to roam around. The girlies got these really pretty manicures (above)

 ... & I think I may have found the most delicious cupcakes ever! Oh my lord I had the biggest foodgasm !

 And then Mr. Lobrio Visited me after school and we chat and chilled :)

Sigh. The best part of the day had to be the conversations! And my new desire to read books. I re-finished 'The World According to Garp' on the train this morning because I was bored, and for some reason this time it made me so much more contemplative than the last. It made me think about 'sex' and 'purpose' really analytically which put my brain into this trance-y whack stage. I had to listen to black eyed peas to get out of it. Brrrrr weird. 

No but seriously today I came to even MORE realisations, including:

- Boys my age think I'm ugly. LOL. Because tbh, today I had a disgusting day full of eye-rape. I got the once-overs, up-downs, side-glancing, squinty eyes from almost EVERYONE MINUS the 15-20 age group. All these disgusting big men with wives and on the flip side, little winkywinks from 12 year old kids. I felt violated and weird. Like why to old men check me out? I was wearing the outfit above. It seriously wasn't  that bad.  But yeah. Maybe I'll get more luck when I'm older than 20.... I hope lol. 

- I have a huge supermassive thing for boys with cute tattoo's/piercings. OH MY RENTS ARE GONNA LOVE THAT!

Hope all of you had a good strike day xxx

Goals.

 

Don't read this if you think I'm annoying, you will most likely think I am even moreso after.  (don't tell me I didn't warn you)
Personal confession/diary for weight as I feel if I put it here I will have more motivation because I've been keeping my true weight gain a secret forevs now
 Now. Truthfully, 64.2 kg (5+kg from last year, I was 58kg last year) 

Goal: 61kg. Healthy eating resumes. I don't know why but the numerical figure of my weight keeps on rising. I feel bigger around the hips and face but I haven't started eating more or anything...

Tbh, I can't run more than 5 minutes on the cross trainer :( and this is the first year in my teenage life where I've actually had to watch what I eat. I virtually used to eat whatever, whenever I wanted.

It's harder than I thought, this maintaining my weight thing. I am keeping that photo up there because I hit 65.4 just before exams, and I think 64.5 is the highest I want to go before I'm 30 LOL. mhm. This is the first time I've admitted my true weight out loud, really. I always say '62' on FS or in person... but i'm going to come out of denial and try to maintain my weight.

SO AMELIA. READ THIS WHEN YOU FORGET YOUR GOALS.

xxxx

Wother

I LOL . JAMES RICE REPPIN AYEZ. I LOVEHER.

Scream the lyrics till your head spins.

Stolen off g-nargh.

Who were you with last night?

Sister and my iPhone (which is like 4 favourite peopleeeee, almost)

What woke you up this morning?

"Amelia, I woke you up half an hour ago..."

Where are you?

In my newly renovated HSC study...ooft.

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?

Probably not, that dick.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

I hugged Lian for the first time in forevs!

When’s the last time you cried?

Some day ending in 'y'

The PAST

Ever thrown up in public?

Yeah after korean bbq and a furious game of 'tips' in year three.

Passed out because of alcohol?

Nope!

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?

Flab. No joke.

The FUTURE

Would you take a bullet for anyone?

Like, 3 people.

Where would you like to live?

New York. Or hmm... I dunno.

What kind of house would you like?

One with vintage windows and beds in direct line with streaming sunlight on sweet Sunday mornings. With shoe racks, and a whole bunch of room for clothes and gadgets. One with a bar too :)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Someone profoundly interesting.

Where do you see yourself in years?

Walking home  in the sunshine after a wonderful date, ready to get in bed with tea and my piles of graduate med study.

Who was the last person that left you a comment?

probs yun/xtal ahah

Are you good friends with this person?

EW  THEY'RE BETCHES :P

How often do you log in to facebook?

Daily :/

IN GENERAL

Do you like candy necklaces?:

They're pretty kinky LOL, but the candy is low quality :(
Hmm a candy necklace made out of fizzers is like my dream tbh.

When’s the last time you fell or ran into something?

MORE THAN A WEEK AGO! FCK YES PROUD.

Do you still go trick or treating?

No :( wanna come with ?

What was the last thing you ate?

A cappuccino cookie :3 omnomnomnom

Are you a fast typer?

ahuh :)

About how many people have you driven with?

I've never driven :(

What are you doing this weekend?

Sleep, maybe shop with nonexistent money, see the blondie babes, idno lol. Maybe library to catch up on maths :)

Whats your favorite type of soda?

CREAMING.

Have you ever moved?

last time was in 1999 !

Have you ever won an award?

multiple cause i'm a talented cunt ;) jokes haha I'm just surfing cunt pages on fb and laughing so hard.

How many times have you eaten sushi?

probably in the hundreds.

What do you want to do right now?

DANCE.

Are you listening to music right now?

wait now I want to, so YES.

Are you with someone right now?

forevs alone lah

Whats a word or phrase that you hate?

'but you're adopted...'

How long until your birthday?

ages. 5 months?

When were you the saddest in your whole life?

I don't like to think about ittttt

What time is it now?

10.08

Do you think anyone will repost to this?

I DID LJ & GINA HEHE

What makes you pissed off?

'disingenuousness'

Have you ever had a song written about you?

yes :) But i like them too much, one isn't enoughhhhhhhh!

What song makes you cry?

Many many many

What songs makes you happy?

Anything that makes you feel like dancing :)

What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?

lovers in Japan by Coldplay :)

Do you have a job??

naaah

What does Your CD player have in it right now?

SO FRESH LOOOOL

If you were a crayon what color would you be?

BLACK. YEAH WHAT CUNT?

What makes you happy?

friendsies, foodsies and fashionnns. I also love to alliterate.

Height?

171.

Hair?

Black & LONG BABY WOOOTWOOT

Piercings?

Ears and belly buttooon

Tattoos?

17th 17th 17th 17th omg counting down....

What are you wearing?

sports shorts from when I was 10 and a t-shirt that is maybe 3 sizes too small. hehe. I feel uncomfortable and fat but I ceebs getting up lol.

What taste is in your mouth?

sugar.

Do you have a bad habit?

I roll my eyes before I kiss, I ceebs shaving when I'm wearing stockings. LOL 

chakjshdkjahsdjkahdsa 

that was too uninteresting of me for my liking :(

Ah revelation number one million

I figured out what happened, dick. Joking. I'm just sour... Dick. Oh and watching Friends with benefits made me feel like my life is so bland WAY TO ADD TO THE UNREAL EXPECTATIONS!

One day in June I posted the girl version

Here's the boy one:

"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you." - Bob Marley

Summarised.

I think i would like to sum up the mental processes of half of my weekend with

'like i said before sorry...'

who do you think you are?

Well obviously not someone who's in my life. lol.

Oh but, In other circumstances, my weekend was as follows:

Friday night/ All of sunday - Biology. I learnt all the wrong stuff though. Kill me now. Anyways.

Saturday night - so relaxed. I like just being with fun bitches and cuties who aren't afraid to do dumb things. sounds young and stupid but I like it. I know you'll all enjoy it, albeit briefly, at some point in life. But I am enjoying it now. Woo fun :) Omg. I have an obsession with clothing right now. So happy with my wardrobe yet lusting for so much at the same time! Dilemmas aye. haha. I sound like a massive douche.

kerzzzzz

I wake up everyday it’s a daydream. Everythin in my life isn’t what it seems. I wake up just to go back to sleep. I act real shallow but I’m in to deep. And all I care about is sex and violence. And a heavy bass line is my kind of silence. Everybody says I got to get a grip, But I let sanity give me the slip. Some people think I’m bonkers. But I just think I’m free. Man I’m just living my life, There nothing crazy about me. Some people pay for thrills, but I get mine for free. Man I’m just living my life, There's nothing crazy about me ♥

I don't want to regret wasting my time.

I should be learning. 

I should be learning to not easily trust 

...or easily like, and especially not easily hate. 

I won't let you cover my eyes with that blackness.

Weekend blog post.

Words when I am feeling creative :) 

xoxo