Err.

My stress migraines are good because they mean I've been studying

/O_O/

Oh and super sad now, because last night two UNRELATED sources told me my 'face was getting round'. And then realised the pure horror that linked bigger boobs with being fat.

SIGH BALLET LESSONS START SOON PLEASE.

This girl will be hayooooooge one day

She's so CUTE LOL :)



what the awesome voice from a prepubescent body?

REALITY TRASH

The hills: a show where amazingly hot girls continuously screw over and get screwed over by that 'guy' that's always there for them. Haha. Their level of inter-group dating is so weird. Its so addictive though. It's kinda cute how you know each of the guys secretly love one of the girls. Ngawwwws. One episode and back to work :(

"what happens in costa rica... Stays in.... Nah man don't kid yourself - we all know it goes straight back home"

Afraid of sounding like a whiny bitch but no fear

Cuddles are a lot harder to come by than you think.
You never realise how much they mean until your bones are sore from missing it so much.



/endwhine/
I'm normal :)

I feel like falling asleep to his voice.

Gentlemen don't kiss and tell (:

this song makes me so happy ^^

Scary world

Getting the creeps even more so, as the degrees of thought separation in my mind have blurred.
So i was like, hey, let's watch candy (root thought: thinking about drug addiction, celeb deaths etc)
Then i was like okay, drug movies are intense; lets read about other ones (root thought: let's do some research)
i come across 'Requiem for a dream' (movie) (next thought: isn't that a name of that musical piece that freaks the shit out of me? i listen to it when i'm having moments of total susgsjsbkdbjdksbdjdud - errr 'inexplainable distance'. Yes, that's what i'm going to call it - you named it so well)
So i youtube the piano version (because it's made me all reminiscent of when i'd heard you play it for me, which i wasn't sure it WAS you at the time so i was trying to make sure) (root thought: getting all reminiscent and life contemplative as i like to do instead of studying)
And i listened to it... And it had that same chilling kind of mourning feeling it does every other time (root thought: i began thinking about death)

AND THEN
I read the comments and learn that the norway shooter listened to the song on full blast as he was murdering his victims.
Googled = legit.

So there is the adventure of my mind
And i'm scared of all the freaky places my mind often takes me.

/end being a weirdo, lol. Person who used to play it. I admit to not praying much anymore, but i still pray for you./

P.S - if in that miniscule chance you read this, sorry for the random deepness, it's not in my character anymore to be like this - but you know me well; and you know that i can trust you to not think i'm insane. Haha. I've stolen your happiness shield for a bit. I'm glad i could though - i guess that means you don't need it anymore :) i miss contemplating everything with you. There's not that many people who enjoy it as much as i did with you.

breathe with me.

Every single time I watch it I feel like shivering,
balling my eyes out. I find myself holding onto things around me, teary and strange.
I know this movie has no effect on other people but it makes me so sad.

It makes me so horribly full of a kind of emotion that I love and hate at the same time.
It's the second time I've watched it since he died.
Fuck.
Heath Ledger.

I don't know what to do right now. Concentrating is hard after that.
I hate things that seem too real.
It's freaky.

You were probably one of the greatest actors ever born.
I think I can study now haha, mid-week break you served good purpose and motivation

Hopefully off for good, love you all. (watch the movie, yes, it's R)

x

--

The only problem now is,
I still think about the fact that I'm not thinking about it.

Interestttttt

My little fact of the day.

Do you know who created/designed those SS Army uniforms for Mr. Hitler?
Yes, I knew there was a reason they were so clean cut...

Hugo Boss

Google it, legit.

Have fun with a little bit of perspective change

xoxo

Sometimes you feel like word vomit ranting about thoughts that make no sense.

Sometimes relationships are bad for you
Very fucking bad for you
horrible, in fact.






Amy Winehouse. 27years old.
A victim of love, his influence was fatal.
Do not introduce someone you love to drugs.
Why would you do that?

Reason to continue working for what I want to be. I wanna write my PHD on this one day. Drugs and the psychology of substance abuse and shit. I hope I will at least. I find this stuff so interesting... ever since, well, forever. Dad said I should have been a wonderful a social worker in another life; but in this one it would just be a waste of a brain. (nawww) I think I can still figure out something to do about it. When I'm old. A good mentor once told me I could never write about it properly, or study it/preach my research in depth without any first-hand knowledge.

I'm now hoping I'll barely get any first hand knowledge, I must admit. I know that mentor was telling the truth, but the real world scares me. I'll be wearing a lab coat for a reason. I don't believe in half of their 'real-life-experiences' bullshit. I have been at Ruse for 4 beautiful years, I have been tainted to believe that real-life knowledge means nothing and that it's a bad thing. LOL So yeah. At least I took away something remotely intelligent from my school in this field of work. At least I'll know when to distance myself from that side of the real world.

I've done a pretty good job considering a few of the situations I've been placed in. Limits. Control. I'm glad I have that in this respect.

I don't respect anyone our age (or older I guess) who takes drugs (gateway ones, ofc - none of the crazy ones). I do not like it at all, and I find it the most stupid, disgusting thing ever. Yes, (some of you may be surprised) that means I might be insulting a handful of people that read this blog. I may be insulting people who are very close to me (but you should probably know my view by now?). Sigh. Just stop.

Yeah, just stop.

or "get a girlfriend" as you told me... that's a far better alternative. haha

p.s. don't -hypocrite- me on this lol; if you feel the need to, talk to me in person and I'll explain. If you aren't close to me... don't make assumptions. As we know from the past week all over the news, peer 'assumptions' aren't good for anyone's mental state - even if they're inevitable.

Songify may be the coolest app ever..

Hi, I'm Agriculture. I spent a beautiful romantic weekend with Amelia in the Library and in her bedroom. It was splendid.

oh yay.

P.S GUESS WHO'S THE NEW PROUD OWNER OF A GHD GOLD STYLER BIATCH?! - it makes my hair feel healthy, loooool I love it.

Sing into my ear, sing to me while tyou're still near

Postcards from far away and that mask i've kept on for two years since that day is coming off.
But i don't want to throw it away.

I remember the exact same feeling.
I don't deserve to have that bomb under my eyelids anymore
Not for you
Nope
Not anymore.

So she says, haha.

made me LOLKJASHKJAHLALLOLOLROFL

found on family computer.

ten things that inspire my own reasons to live:

young, beautiful lives lost are never a good thing. i'm sure your heart will heal up there.

yes, you. I'm talking to you

I feel like I don't trust... I mean, I can't trust people anymore.

But that's not who I am, so I'll try harder to stop being scared.

Things I have liked in the past few days

(1) ugg boots

(2)

(3) tea

(4) memories

(5) scarves

(6) you.

vent frustration... on. you. hahaha

haha well i did. i didn't win. but i also did hahahahahahabuahahahaha yay.
ooft games are duh funzies. never again, but bucket list. crossed :)
habits sigh ==, well they're called habits for a reason.






feeling like a deviant.

HOLAYBALLZ

I now realise I know a couple who have practically been together since year 7. YEAR7!
That is so so so ancient for high school standards 7,8,9,10,11
OH WOW
shiiiieeeeeeeet.

Remember that night when we argued bro?

Okay here's a quote from a modern day girl that I love, this kind of explains what I was TRYING to say (well at least I don't feel bad about being the only one that thinks so) :-

There’s a difference between good people who do bad things and bad people who do bad things.

– Lauren Conrad

scientists

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I was in Church today and realised two things.
(1) Faith is in your bones, if you were brought up with it, it's very hard to let go of.
(2) I will have a Catholic wedding. Sure, idc about dating people who aren't catholic whatever. But, on that day when I promise my life to someone I better be standing under a cross wearing a veil.

The homily (sermon) proved to be the first useful one I have honestly come across in a very long time. I listened (like really listened for the first time in gosh knows) and I think I've got life down with this little quote:

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

Post from a year ago

Give me faith. I want this to remain applicable.
I don't want to be able to say 'people change, shit happens. we move on'
I don't wanna have to say it.

THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. PEOPLE WHO WILL MAKE YOU FLY HIGH, LIKE YOU JUST POPPED PILLS. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU LAUGH AND CRY. THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL FUZZY AND WARM. IN THE END THOUGH, THERE IS ONE WHO KNOWS YOU.

THERE IS ONE THAT WILL OFFER THEIR SLEEVE WHEN YOU GET SNOTTY. THERE IS ONE THAT YOUR HAND FITS PERFECTLY IN. THERE IS ONE THAT WILL SAY YOU'RE AMAZING, EVEN WITHOUT A SHOWER FOR 3 DAYS. THERE IS ONE WHO WILL MAKE YOU CRY. THERE IS ONE THAT WILL SIT WITH YOU FOR 3 HOURS WHILE YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP WITH THE MIGRAINE OF THE CENTURY.

oooooh elusive.

My emotions are possessive of you

My actions aren't.

Thus, you'll never know who this is about.

If only I could find a man like Chris Martin.

ANALYSE THIS.

Need a sourcepage for my fs answers :)

x

ex oh, bay bee

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.

GUIZ GIMME SOME OF WHAT THAT GUYS ON.

fuark well, some people really do get better with age, don't they?

haaha don't know why this line amused me so much.

I should stop...

handing out titles to people
because I can be pretty reckless when it comes to acting on my feelings.
And they are usually very concentrated on particular people
...with particular titles.


lol no comment, yes it makes no sense
WELL I SURE HOPE IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ANYONE ROFL.

MR GOLD. (BFFL)

you slashed something off my bucket list, at 3.23 am 13/07/11

profound moments lying in the middle of a major intersection, Parramatta.

I was wearing a red coat too. holy shat man, I didn't even realise.

:')

"But what do we do if a car comes?"

--

"We die."

Aw, yesh. tumblr

I love following hot, crazy asian bitches on tumblr. fuark the tattoo's make me drool. My favourite tumblr find of the nighht:


My personal tumblr moment, Hayden's back-script is similar to the one I want on my 17th, but much bigger. Mine will be like 1/10th of this :)

Disjointed, delayed post from saturday -

(saturday)

Haha my house is having a bit of a makeover atm, so furniture is being moved and whatnot. It's been ages since we last did this, so theres dust everrrrywhereeeeeee. I have crazy dust allergies so my rents have allowed me to take over their ensuite and hibernate. I've been in here all day and only venture to the kitchen to get food like a gremlin.

Oh, the joys of having a weakling immune system!

Oh and while lying here admiring mr leeminho's face, i have come to the realisation that i have some very special (very awesome) male figures in my life that look after me all the time. One of them, is obvious - and although quite stern, knows exactly what's best for me. The ones closer to my own age are kind of less obvious, but i think they know who they are deep down. There's one who's been there since the start - and we've grown apart a bit but his hugs still cure my illnesses and his phonecalls do really sometimes make my week. Theres another who is sometimes disguised as a devil but is really a guardian of all sorts. Literally. My father even respects him, and i know his intentions are good when it comes down to being a friend :') And then theres a relatively new one, who i trust the most and am glad i can now rely on. This is a little thank-you for allowing me to feel invincible. They've helped me feel able to have unrestrained burning hopes without being scared; they won't let me get hurt. I'm such a cheese but I guess i feel if i acknowledge them, it might even out the jackshit i feel i give back to them :') haha i want to tell them sorry for having little to offer. Its cool because they understand.

I wish

I had never, ever, ever met you


Sincerely.

Doesn't this just make you so damn geeeeeeed?!

Well, it does it for me. But people are different haha. I'm not weird :))

"he doesn't like the beach?! Who doesn't like the beach? jeeeeeeez!"

Haha, you eventually came to liking the beach, didn't you? ;)




One of my favouritest songs evarrr.

Help For the formspringer :)

click to enlarge photos :) any other Q's just fs it :)

TIME WASTINGZ.

1. Get your phone.
done done

2. What is the 3rd picture on your phone.?
Tony and I

3. What's your ring tone?
Default iPhone

4. Who's the 1st person that comes up under M?
Jane MA

5. Who's the last person you called?
Ana :)

6. Who was your last missed call from?
Ben Jee

7. Who's the 1st person who comes up under C?
Chantelly CAMPBELL :)

8. Who's your speed dial number 2?
don't use speed dial.

9. What does 3rd text in ur inbox say?
"Im going to become a nun lol"

10. Who was your last received call from?
Mother

11. What does your 5th inbox text say?
"Some how"

12. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
A looooooot

13. What is the wallpaper?
Lock screen - Lisettey & I, Home screen - Tony & I

14. Since buying your phone, how many messages have you sent all together?
Uhh probably close to 500? It's been like 3 weeks haha

15. Who is the 7th message from in your in box?
Ben Jeeeee

16. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Shannon BREHONY :)

17. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
4

18. What network are you on?
3 :)))))))

19. Name every person you have text messages from in box?
LOL I saw this as I was copying and was like... AIYAH
channy ben adrian laura dad jess anu tony kentran marcus sachin ana vincent kiran bonnie jayne tom richard jesspham tony tommy lian yun eileen yiwang vicks ted saj rayzhai ashley helen davidcheng chewy richardshe crystal lisette axel tutor sarah anne lexcen gina alyssa vaish anqi catherine jeffkaren fleur noellin

20. What does your 20th text message in your in box say?
"Wanna hang?"

21. Who is the first person in your contacts?
Noellin ACABADO

22. Who is the last name in your contacts?
Bahaven, because I gave him a number as a lastname LOL

23. What does the bottom text in your inbox say?
Hey this is Noellin :) xx

24. What is your screen saver?
Lisette & I

25. What is Your balance?
Like 300 left!

26. Who is the last person under H?
eileen HUANG

27. What is your bluetooth name?
Dunno lol

28. How many numbers are in your phone?
131 :)

29.Whats the last video on your phone of?
Ruse Runway!

30. Could you live without it?
No LOL :$

Bahaha. Made my day.

*edit*
Just came across her reason 'why' one the world wide web. And honestly mate, fuck you. Fuck. Oh my goodness you are a cunt. I don't remember you all that well now, but when I knew you, you were the sweetest, awesomest person I could ask for to look after someone so important to me. Why? WHY WORLD? Just so you know - she's invincible, she doesn't need you. But still. Kunt.

Don't ever think you have a chance to go back.

I need another one

#secret
you can't keep doing that to me.

Confessions

#random
I can count the number of boys who have told me they like me - genuinely - on one hand.

A me to you bear.

Coldplay and inability to sleep sigh. 'zzzahhhhzzzzhaahhh' (the sound I just uttered as I was typing)


I forget sometimes.
I forget why I - yes I - fucked it up in the first place.
Why I said I wanted to stop. All those times
And then I start feeling that warmth for it again,
the warmth I try so hard to find with someone else.
And then you go and disappoint me for the five-billionth time and I remember why I said STOP.
I remember who you told me to be -
And how you never were how you were meant to be.
I'm going to stop pretending it doesn't kill to give up;
but that promise
It's not something you can hold on me, even how badly I want it.
I can't promise you anything, you know that
Not until you stop screwing up and forgetting to promise me back.


My cute tid-bit thought about boys: After much observation of the media/friends/family I have made many musings. You know how you invent a boy in your head when you read books? I doubt I'm the only one who does this, so I'm going to ask you one thing - don't you ever wish they were real? I know you do. Of course you do. And mid-way through your fantasy, you think to yourself 'dummy, that kind of boy doesn't exist.' But I challenge you to find one. I've been really analysing this, and I think every guy I know is a storybook boy in many many ways. However, I am yet to find a boy who'll either
a) throw rocks at my window or
b) make me a mix-tape of music to ask me out

BUT. I know ones who have potential. And although that potential isn't directed at me in particular, I think if someone I know can do it for a girl they love... there's a chance one day someone out there will be inspired by me. Haha. I sound so single and cheesy. But it's true.

I think if my life fails I may just attempt to be the new Nicholas Sparks :)

Inbox (1)

** 'That's why I want a girlfriend... So I can give up that shit. It's bad for me..'

OH, so there IS hope for boykind.

Naw :)

Sometimes

The lyrics need to be written out to give their intended purpose of... significant meaning.

I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open,
Make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing.

HULLO :)

The last time I felt...like this... I was listening to this song:
If you know my blog, you know why I feel like this and how affected I am.
It was the birth of 'sweet disposition' I do believe. Well, you - you were the birth of this blog.

Be honest, who texted you last?

Miss Wotherspoon :)

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
Closed , because it's super warmer that way!

Did anyone see your last kiss?
Hum, no ;)

Do you drink tea?
Constantly!

Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Indeed

Do you have plans for tomorrow?
Hehe, long and hopefully successful day shooting with mr. nipples-byron and miss. spoonz inc :) And glebe/city with them to thrift and shit <3

What's worse: dry skin or chapped lips?
Dry skin! AND trust me, I know it :(

Would you be surprised if your parents had another baby together?
TMI TUTRLE: Tubez r da tied.

Do you want to get married?
DEFINITELY.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?
Hot hot hot pink pyjama pants :)

So, what if you married the last person you texted?
So like, dude? Amelia Gold. Name sounds... White. LOL.

Last person you told a secret to?
My sister :)

What are you listening to at the moment?
CALIFORNICATION

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
The train ...zzz

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
Do you want there to be someone that I will always be attatched to? Yeah, you. Do you? Mindfuck over pleazeeeuhs.

Are relationships ever really worth it?
Wouldn't be able to answer that atm.

Do you believe in love?
Yes.

When was the last time you saw your father?
Half an hour ago.

Have any memories that you'd like to forget?
No. Whatever - as I am constantly overusing this phrase (it never gets old) 'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger :)'

Is there someone you really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff?
Yes, a whole bunch of them in fact! <3

Have you ever been called prince or princess?
Have I? Haha. PC. Persistently by my father. But otherwise, that name's reserved and I don't like hearing it. It makes me sad.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?
I would say yes. Many others would say no.

How fast does your mood change?
Like a zyrtec!

Do you have any condoms in your room?
Probably, maybe lol. Ask my doctor ahahahah. Dunno wtf he gave me in that education pack.

Do you need to say anything to someone?
Yes. I'd love to. But I can't - because I'm not supposed to know that you hurt me. Oh, and because I don't "know", I don't "know" that you're blatantly shoving it in my face on cyberland.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Like it was yesterday.

How are you feeling?
Swell, thanks.

Do you want someone to call you right now?
Maybe?

What do you always take with you?
Phone. WELL 99% of the time :)

Is your bed comfortable?
Haha, nope :( After all of those lovely hotel encounters in my life.. shit shit shit. Warm though :)

Would you say you're an understanding person?
Generally

Are you generally a happy person?
LOL depends on who you ask!

Who's in your profile picture with you?
Just me :)

Were you single on Valentines Day?
Yeah...

What is the last movie you watched?
quote- TRANSFUCKINGFORMERS 3 !-endquote

Do you listen to songs when you're done?
Nah I like it quiet ;) I don't even understand the question lol...

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?
Ages!

Are you talkative?
ARE YOU?

Next vacation you're going on?
Probably not till after HSC WHEN I GO EVERYWHERE !! AMERICA AND CLUBLANDS FAR AND WIDE :)

Were you single last summer?
For half of it? :/

Hell on the horizon :)

My life these last few days (I am attatched to my phone/fb at the hip sigh). I had something cute to write about boys. Ahhasdfghjkl the thought escaped me. I promise I'll write about it next time. (:

And to that person on formspring who asked: 'If you could re-write your life...' Haha, thinking about it in this mindset - I wouldn't change much at all. I don't think we've lived long enough to know if the shit that's happened or the circumstances we're in are downright horrible or in fact the building blocks of something incredible. So ask me in like 30 years. I might give you a stupid I -wish-was-an-actress-in-America answer then. Right now, I wanna see where this stupid little life of mine is going to take me. Just as I am. I have this weird feeling it's not going to be that bad.

two of my favourites!

ATTENTION!!!!! CONE CONE

I will have a baby now if you can promise me it will look like this:

:)

None of you scare me anymore.

wogasiaustralian

With, or without?

I must say, that Jessica girl's tumblr material.