one of the greatest feelings:

is to feel that stubborn section of your lower back crack and fold down so you can touch your head to your knees. it feels even better after a while of not doing it, like a sigh of relief. and when you come up, your lower back begins to feel warm and tingly ...you feel like you can move your hips properly; like theyve come alive on their own!
after that all you wanna do is kick your leg onto the top of your dresser and rise up onto your supporting leg, closing your eyes and pretending you're in class.

bend. stretch. curl your toes.
it may be a past time, and i might not be that good.
but boy it's a good feeling :)

22/01

ily :)

i'd facebook status it, but i wouldn't want people thinking the wrong thing

i think one should start worrying when toothpaste & listerine starts to taste like a mojito...

numb me. please. shove the needle in so i can't feel a thing.

xx

quizme, (L)

Ever kissed someone who was high?
nopes

What was the last thing you did before doing this quiz?
think about ag :/

What would your parents do if you came home with a tattoo?
uhm, ask me how much it costs to get it removed?

Do you know any boys who wear makeup?
like one or two?

Ever kissed someone with a tongue piercing?
nope

The person you like runs up and kisses you, your reaction?
mmmm, i missed that *smiling and biting lip in blissful shock*

Gotten high in the past 24 hours?
fersure....no.

Would you get into a car with someone who was drunk if it was your only way of getting home?
rather sleep in a bush, thanks.

If you got kicked out, where would you go?
uhm, funny enough i'd probs go to jess wotherspooonz

Do you like pokemon?
to an extent not as great as my fellow rusians :)

Would you get your feet tattooed?
yeah, sure. but something relatively discreet.

Do you understand football?
all british types, not really NFL

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
why would he be?

Have you kissed more than ten people this year?
no.

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
sure have.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend buys you flowers, you say?
fuck, you're the cutest :'))

Ever had a boy best friend?
uhhhh, in some ways they are the best kind ! so yes.

What was the last thing you and your mum talked about?
it was about words with ambiguous or double meanings LOLOL

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends?
at this point, either one would be fucking amaaaazing

Has anyone told you they don’t ever want to lose you?
yes !

Do you want to get married?
to who? ;)

Do you know people that smoke weed?
yep

Was this the best summer of your life?
it does alrighhhht, going to japan in a week !

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
yes.

What was the most boring thing you did today?
um, everything i do is interesting LOL

Last kiss drunk or sober?
sober. lol i am soooooo mindfuck !

Do looks really matter?
not really really.

How do you feel right now?
afraid?

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
yes most definitely !

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
yes?

Are you happier now than you were 5 months ago?
hummmmm, can't tell actually. i'm preee sweeet at the moment in this fucked up kinda way. so who knows what was going down 5 months ago.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months?
maybe

Last thing you laughed really hard about?
um crystal li's shockingly gorgeous facial attributes.

What is/was your worst subject in school?
i think it may have been maths D:

Would you rather write in pink pen or blue pen?
blue !

When’s the last time you cried?
lastnight

What was is over?
... zzz

Would it be more likely of you to fail science or maths?
maths haha

Are you cheating on someone right now?
no

Do you tell your parents everything?
not everything, or else i would be executed. but enough to let me sleep at night :)

If you were pregnant, who would you tell first?
sister.

Have you yelled at anyone in the past few days?
dad, for waking mee up lolol.

If you woke up naked tomorrow next to the first person you kissed what would your reaction be?
mmmm go make your own breakfast buttface i'm exhausted ;) *pulls in for cuddle*

when did you get here ?! *grabs blanket to make a dress around body*

chyeah how i roll haha.

hold tight, hold tight

real friendship involves some really ugly moments.

i hate it.

myself, that is.

Greys Anatomy, so wise :)

a thought from the show that sticks with me:
you know how you're scared of monsters under your bed when you're a little kid? they never really go away in adulthood. just when you get older the monsters turn into different things- self-doubt, loneliness and regret.

that's preetty true i do believe, yes?

MADE ME LOL LIKE A TURTLE ON CRACK

on another note: a week from now i want pretty girls and sexy boys and night lights and sweet smells and lustrous winks and glittery eyes and shiny watches and suede shoes.
thats all i'm sayin :)

the ocean is beyoootiful isn't it?

about happiness-

quiet sunday streets.

you know how people have that thing that brings them down? pulls them back together and slaps them in the face so they know what it's like in reality?
i never knew what mine was until 5 minutes ago.

cutting up your weekly meds, coversyl 1 daily 5/1.25 and 10mg lipitors plus 1andahalf 5mg warfarin.
every sunday evening before your nightly dose is due.
that is mine.

sorry you used to always need to remind me. :'/

THINGO total: 86 :)

( ) Smoked A Cigarette

(x) Smoked A Cigar

( ) Kissed a member of the same sex.

(x) Drank Alcohol.

SO FAR: 2

Level 2

(x) Are / Been In Love

(x) Been Dumped

( ) Shoplifted

( ) Been Fired

( ) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 4

Level 3

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x) Skipped School

( ) Slept With A Co-worker

(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 7

Level 4

(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends

(x) Been To Paris

( ) Been To England

(x ) Been On A Plane

( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 10

Level 5

(x ) Eaten Sushi

(x) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit

(x) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 13

Level 6

( ) Taken Pain Killers

(x) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 15

Level 7

(x) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

(x) Gone Mudding

(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 20

Level 8

( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

(x) Gone Sledding

(x) Cheated While Playing A Game

(x) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 24

Level 9

(x) Watched The Sun Set

( ) Felt An Earthquake

( ) Held A Snake

SO FAR: 25

Level 10

(x) Been Tickled

(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized

( ) Been Cheated On

(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 28

Level 11

(x) Won A Contest

( ) Been Suspended From School

(x) Had Detention

( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 30

Level 12

(x) Had / Have Braces

(x) Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night

(x) Danced In The Moonlight

SO FAR: 33

Level 13

(x) Hated The Way You Look

(x) Witnessed A Crime

( ) Pole Danced WILL VERY SOOOON ;D

(x) Questioned Your Heart

(x) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes

SO FAR: 37

Level 14

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

(x) Been Lost

(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

(x) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 42

Level 15

(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep

(x) Played Cops And Robbers

(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

(x) Sang Karaoke.

(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 49

Level 16

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't

(x) Made Prank Phone Calls

(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose

(x) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 53

Level 17

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

( ) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 56

Level 18

( ) Crashed A Party

( ) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

(x) Had A Wish Come True

SO FAR: 58

Level 19

(x) Worn Pearls

( ) Jumped Off A Bridge

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 59

Level 20

(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube

( ) Kissed A Fish

(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes

( ) Sat On A Roof Top.

SO FAR: 61

Level 21

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours

(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

SO FAR: 65

Level 22

(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree

(x) Had/Been In A Tree House

(x) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 69

Level 23

(x) Believed In Ghosts

(x) Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes

( ) Streaking

( ) Visited a Jail

SO FAR: 71

Level 24

( ) Played Chicken

(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger

( ) Broken A Bone

(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 73

Level 25

( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made A Porn Movie

( ) Caught A Butterfly

(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 75

Level 26

(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone.

(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You.

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone's Name

( ) French Braided Someones Hair

( ) Gone Skinny Dipping

( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 79

Level 27

(x) Rode A Roller Coaster

(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling

( ) Had A Cavity

( ) Black-Mailed Someone

(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 82

Level 28

(x) Been Used

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

( ) Licked by A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 86

Level 29

( ) Been Shot At/Or Held At Gunpoint

( ) Had Sex In The Rain

( ) Flattened Someones Tires

( ) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On

( ) got 20$ or less worth of fuel

glad that none of you people read my blog LOL

3am posting woooooo
i dunno...
im tired but i can't sleep :/
it's impossible to prevent being stoned when webcamming... just realised LOL
look how stoned they both are! look look! hahahaha (sorry) i don even know why i posted those shots but it made me laugh how the few times i wanted to get a funny screenshot of them it ended up superstoned... and the stupid part i was also superstoned. so it isn't funny. it's just stoner haha
ew


night i think i might sleep now !

western-line-ginity

um photos? haha LOL JUST LOL. jokes been made plenty of times, but i thought i might as well do it too :)

actually you promised me.

you promised me. you did. you said this wasn't going to happen.
and now my toes hurt, my fingers hurt, my stomach hurts, my head hurts & even my eyes hurt.

it's okay though.
this is only temporary
for however long temporary is
i'll be sweet.
i think.

finally -

i really should just tumblr..... but nahhhhh

i hope

i guess my luck really ran out this time.

the limbo is over.
the wait is finished.
but i don't hate you, i just feel the need to write it down.
i hate you. you broke my heart. i really don't, but i really do.

i don't know what i'm gonna do this time.
i can't start running again because this time i have no motivation.

i know. i think this will help (at least i hope it does):
i'm going to do a make-up course, join a pole dancing fitness class, read the penguin classics, go to the beach, make a scrapbook, put your presents in storage, dance more, join an agency, write a story, buy a marc jacobs shirt, invest 50/50 into a dslr camera with my dad, eat some churros and listen to our old songs.
eventually (i am planning) that after a while, the songs will make me laugh not cry.


lucky my parents are taking me to Japan for my 16th birthday. I wonder if there'll be anyone at the airport to pick me up when i come home all alone.

forever and ever

do you know what a cute feeling is? to take off your heels, stand on the top of a table (or this our case some sort of runway?) and then to dance to the pulse of loud music.
lights flash and illuminate beautiful faces and body parts around you
and you know theres a whole room looking at your craziness, amazed at how you can move like that.

for those of you who actually understand my cryptic posts

this lame blog started in july 2009.
and everything big i've gone through:
every little ambition
but most importantly, every big fear
is staring me blatantly in the face every time i read it.
i know it's weird to read your own blog
i do though
because everytime i do, i learn something about myself that i don't want to know.

haahahah. dozens of the decisions i've made have been foreshadowed by some of my blogs.
how could i have not seen that?

so to all those confused people out there.
start blogging. haha it helps. even though you know nobody understands you
it helps.

OH HELLO

RANDOM ANON FORMSPRINGER ;)
I HOPE YOU HAD A LOVELY DAY.

portable heart drive

living barely surviving off:
- finding links between my life and the plot of Greys Anatomy.
- dressing fancy and window shopping in designer stores. i.e. making them take out items for me to examine and saying "i'll bring daddy here for my birthday" or "i'll buy it in tokyo" and secretly smiling to myself when i fool them. today was longchamp and coach !
- sushi. raw salmon in general
- reading on the toilet even though i'm not peeing and hearing the broken exhaust drown out all distracting thoughts except for the words running off the page into my mind.
- the sweet things that strangers do. like catch my arm when i slip.
-looking forward to getting far, far away.

impossibly unstoppable

hmm. i'm not going to hear your voice tonight.

but i don't actually want to hear anyone elses. that's my only problem.

damnnnit, i had this epicly awesome title for this post thought up while watching greys, but i forgot it as i got too into watching :( lame.

meeee recently.

just because it's unlike me to not luvo/post. and hehe. these photos make me think of staying at home and learning to look after myself.

I just figured out what i was feeling in the below post

longing.
for what? i wouldn't have a clue LMAO.

She’s strong, because she knows what it’s like to be weak. She keeps a guard up, because she knows what it’s like to cry herself to sleep

A PHOTOGRAPH

it could be completely irrelevant minus one single detail.
today i found myself staring at a photograph and feeling this overwhelming sense of time slowing, heart-stopping nostalgia that i can't quite describe.

and the girl in the photo seemed to resemble us, even though we are nothing alike.

anger @ keyboard heroes.

JAMES RUSE IS NOT OUR 'IDENTITY'
IT IS ONE OF OUR LOVES, BUT NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT US.
we're individuals, just like you (anonymous people?)

FFS, I GREW UP IN PENRITH.
DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME A WANNABE?
YOU TRY GROWING UP HERE KID.

GET A LIFE AND STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO US ANYWAY, IF WE'RE THAT UNCOOL.

i just contradicted myself, but it's fine. i'm sitting here reading a book because i got nothing better to do. yeah, i'm bloody bathing in uncoolness. haha yum!


actually quite a good day though, considering.

revelations. Who am I?

loving someone doesn't mean you need them.
needing someone doesn't mean you love them.

I want to start reading. At least one book a fortnight. For the rest of my life. I don't want to grow up on this trash. I will be young, i will have fun.
But in the end you're right. I don't want to be just like them. Even the reviews are telling me i'm wasting my time.


My book for this fortnight:
Before I fall - Lauren Oliver.

pictures. these are significant to me.