That was a douchey blog title, but I'm jamming to the Kooks. Bear with me.
I need to write. Well actually, I need to have a bit more of a cathartic scream into my echoey bathroom tiles - but I'll give my neighbours a rest tonight. They can listen to my Kooks marathon instead (just this one night). Kidding, I don't usually scream much. I only think of doing it.
I'm not doing very well. Like, I'm perfectly fine I guess - but I kind of just don't enjoy being fine. I enjoy being pushed and pulled in every direction. I crave the feeling of being focused and necessary. That's it... It's kind of coming to fruition in my mind as I type: I'm not really necessary (to anyone, anything) at this point in my life. It's as if me being here is relatively useless, and it's shitting me.
It's shitting me as well that I am so unable to motivate any kind of change from this state. I'm just like "hi, wow, this doesn't feel great, yeah, ok, cool'. Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhh I just want to wish the feeling away. Okay. I'm done with feeling sorry for myself. I had a reason for coming on here tonight. I swear I did :\
Oh right, it had something to do with loneliness. But that sucks and I'm over it now.
I actually am so zoned out right now I can't think of anything remotely insightful to write.
I think I better go now before this gets even more shit.
Night, I'll be back. I think I'll need to write again soon.
xxxx
M.
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