Administration

I posted an Instagram a couple of days ago with the theme 'people are not their pictures; love yourself' - yet I can't still seem to take that advice myself. I can see how this appears like I'm casting my net out into the ocean for compliments, and tbh, a couple of your kind words in response to that photo have really boosted my superficially-driven spirits that tiny bit... but I of all people know they aren't fix-it's for the problem at large. I've got to figure that little conundrum out myself, and despite being logical enough to see where my issue originates, I by no means have the willpower to overcome it.
I oftentimes get called out for preaching "happiness" - for example - calling out people who criticise others by arguing: "what if it makes her happy? let her eat the fucking donut!" But do I take my own advice? Hardly. I wouldn't say being a bigger size than typically aesthetic girls makes me feel lesser than anyone 80% of the time, but there still is that 20% that feels awful. I wouldn't say I'm a hyper-jealous, or paranoid person, either. Yet then, there's moments like right now where I feel like someone out there could probably just do... things...everything... better than me. 
Of course there are 100% people out there that can do things better than me. I'm not deluded, I am happy to subscribe to my fairly median place in the world. But it's that below-median feeling I can't shake. That feeling of inadequacy that relentlessly courses through an anxious mind; the persistent desire to shed your own skin gets tiring.

Self-love chants are being mentally written as I type.

Just had to get this out there. I'm a hypocrite, but I'm working on it.


xxxx

M.