Riptide

Ahhhh. Yes this is a blog. I'm doing this again, because today someone reminded me just how much a part of me this page is. It really IS like a diary, and I've found that without it to rant/squeal/vent/praise on this year, I've been doing a lot of mind-boggling over-thinking that is taking up too much of my brain capacity. For a while, I resented this blog because it made me so vulnerable to judgement: it made me look immature, emotionally insecure, overly jealous, attention seeking - it just generally made me one of those vile people of my generation who has nothing to say about anything except themselves.
But fuck it, honestly. I believe there is something valuable about writing about what you know, I won't try to fake politics or controversial discussion. I don't know shit about that - or at least not enough to write about it. But I know me. And at 18, I'm pretty proud of that - so, I'll keep working on that. Not that the other stuff isn't important (my , being at Usyd has taught me more about the importance of politics in the short 12 months I've been there than any other place in my entire life), but I'm not gonna try to pretend to educate anyone. If anything, I'm the one that wants to be educated.
I just want to express.
There are lots of things I want to say. I want to thank the universe for this ridiculously insightful year. I want to tell certain friends that I'm so proud of them, and let them know  the reason I can still believe in my own dreams is because they're running so viciously after theirs. I want to openly admit I'm in love again, and really fucking come to terms with the fact that I can't insure myself against this shit. Nup, not when it's real. There is no "winning" the game in a real relationship, there's trust. That's it. That's all the fucking insurance you get and it's like standing on the edge of a building day after day: but I've realised that when your feet are planted firmly, looking down feels pretty damn good. 
I've made so many memories this year, and I'm seriously dreading becoming 19. It seems like such an insignificant number. But will it be an insignificant year? If I had a relatively good year this year, does it mean I have to have a bad 2014? I hope not. Who knows. I don't know what kind of situations I'll be in when I'm 19 - but I'm glad that years 17/18 haven't been the easiest for me. It makes surviving (and enjoying) that next year just that little bit less daunting.