With my feet in the air, and my head on the ground

I don't know what to say, and I have a feeling anything I do blurt out right now will be irrelevant and unreadable, and even if it is - extremely pointless. But what else to do when you can't sleep but write?

I used to write diaries until I kept on losing the keys (because I'd hide them so well) and would just spasm and get anxious about having the key too obvious... so, logically I decided to write a public blog. Fucking idiot.

I just watched 'Adore' which is this confusing Australian film about two mothers who fall in love with each others respective sons. It's Freudian and weird and actually shouldn't be all that confronting when you consider the fact that men sleep with women their daughter's age all the time, and they have been for years...

But see, it is a confronting concept isn't it? I loved the movie initially; really feeling its rawness while viewing it (maybe biased since I love Naomi) with an immediate admiration for its cinematography and setting. But then I read reviews from renowned critics that said it was shit. So naturally I thought it was shit. But now I'm here on my blog hatin' on the fact that I let reviews change my mind like that. So here's my opinion that it's not shit, have it. Watch it. Disagree or agree I don't mind. Either way the concept is intriguing.

It just made me think about me (cue, your sigh of here-she-goes-again. but pls you would not be reading this if you actually hated it that much). But not just me - humans in general - we're socialised by age. Will we get to 40 years old and still be able to fall in love at a cafe spontaneously? Or a library perhaps? I doubt it. How sad.

Does that mean there's a ticking tock counting down till the end of the part of life that is meant to be surprising? 'Cause I don't want that part to end. Can we possibly make it not end? I know the answer to that.

But the question is - am I, as a person, able to make sure it doesn't end?