Of
course I’m here when it’s 2AM. I’ve come to terms with a few things in the last
few hours, and it’s kind of funny how random the timing is for these things to happen.
I’ve finally done it. I’ve come to the realisation that I can actually control
my thoughts.
I
feel like a stupid person writing that down here, and look, it’s pretty fucking
sad that it’s taken me 20 years to figure it out – but I’m kinda damn proud I
did it at all. I’ve always had some idea of the ability for people to do it… I
guess wouldn’t really be a functioning human if I didn’t, haha. I just never believed I had the capacity within me. I wrote on here about 4 month’s ago about
searching the world for this magical human who would teach me how to open the
door to ‘get out of my brain’, yet what I discounted was the fact that I’ve
always had to figure it out on my own. How goddamn cliché is that, I’m in my 20s
realising that I can’t rely on others to hold me together.
I
can calm myself down.
I
can tell my beating heart that everything’s going to be okay.
I
can reassure myself of love.
I
can.
I
really fucking can.
I’m
just really happy I know that now.
