Hahaha. I used to secretly be ashamed at myself all the time for being such a cheese cunt. Not that my shame shows on here since - well, let's be frank - i'm always being a big cheesedick on here. But forreals I was in my new friends room the other day, and I saw she had a ripped t-shirt with "stay strong" handwritten on it. Firstly, my reaction was like - YAY - someone that says stuff like 'stay strong' not ironically (and without sniggering) like a lot of the people I've known through my life seem to do. Secondly, she told me it was made out of her ex-boyfriends shirt ...Although there's a chance she hasn't overanalysed it like myself and in fact doesn't intend for it to have some sort of overarching sentimental value, seeing the shirt at that moment really made me feel like i could relate to her.
I had this deal with myself for a while that if I forgot someone's phone number then I'd be officially done with them. LOL. It was a stupid ultimatum, i know. Seriously I spent pretty much a year angry at myself for not forgetting this fucking number - which I still know - simply angers only because I'd personally convinced myself it meant more than it really did. But really I realise now that I only remember it because my brain's wired that way. (Yes here comes a shitty psychoanalysis from me yet again): I was really young when that number started orbiting around in my brain as a part of my life. I was super vulnerable; just eager to be like YES WORLD give me a number to remember, YES - let this stupid set of digits give me a definition for the next two years of my life. So I shouldnt blame myself. The number rooted itself in a soft part of my brain that is all hardened over now. Psh, Idiot.
But anyway yes I was just about to go on this rant about blah blah blah how it means nothing and how I am sincerly an idiot but I am on facetimey and in my happy place so I'm going to prematurely shutup.
Until next time
hehe
Mielzbabyyyyyy
